being quiet,

sometimes being quiet about somethings can lead to some miscommunication.

and
sometimes being quiet makes people thinks that you are aloof.

sometimes being quiet makes people thinks that you are so easy going.

sometimes being quiet makes people thinks that you are so "nevermind".



but im not.
there are somethings never meant to be said.
somethings i wish to say, but eventually didnt come out from my mouth.
i think before i act, maybe this keep me from doing silly mistakes.


i don't feel good of cause. keepin somethings not said out, worryin what IF this what IF that. i do feel being pusharound at times.

the first time, the second time, and it kind of didnt stop.
and i know it wont stop unless i want it to be.

that is to speak out my mind.

im not a direct person.i must say.

a msn nick of "it's not mine to vie with in the first place" can led thamtham to think that im in love with mingshen.






neh.im not gd at handling relationships. let it be lovey or peers relationships.
it stops me from saying things that i wanna shout out.
knnbccb.
must as well me hide in a corner and try to blend in with the wall.


i feel betrayed. i didnt act out.
coz i have this alternate thinkin that maybe im feelin the wrong thing, maybe it wasnt seems at though it is.

i feel leftout by a bloody mrt fare of $1.40 from orchard to toa payoh. i didnt go round screamin on phone, WTF friends are u all?
although i feel very much like.
but i know after screamin, nothing will happen except more cracks on our friendships.
and its not after screamin, u guys will come dinner with me for my sake.
in e end i went to eat katong laska on my own.


there is this human rights that allow us to choose what we want to do, and not to do.
if people choose not to come with me, i shouldnt have the right to scream at them, and them yellin at me back.

i believe in that.
that makes me so aloof.

mum say that i was a antisocial kid in kindergarden and primary one.
to me schoolmates and classmates are so stranger. they are a butch of kids to me.
they only play with water ducks.
i only have fun when i was still hangin out at bukit panjang blk 200+ near market there.

in kindergarden,

i played catchin barefooted.
i climb up the roof of the playground like nobody cares.
i go around kickin vendin machines(before camera was installed in it).
i gathered up with my cousins and outside friends go to the nearby big drain and catch tabpoles. we fall and laugh at each other.
i went up to level20, the highest level in this blk in my housing estate with my cousin to look at scenary. i remember we saw cck expressway instead, and there is a bigbigbig factory beside it.
i go around throwing rubbish notes inside letterboxes.
i go around comparing who can go the highest with the swings.
i learned how to swing high high high high up above and the method is to stand and swing.
i knew how to make a skippin rope with only rubber bands.
we will make it longlonglonglong so that 5 of us could jump in and jump together.
i longed for my first red ant bite because my cousin always tell me a red ant bite feels like BCG injection.
i knew how to make a bird trap.
i played with waterbombs with the rest under the blk and make a din, police came and we got caught. lucky we were minors(under16) no records.


___________________________________________________________________

when u were young, the sky is the limit. cause u dunno wheres the limit.

now im 17, the sky is still the limit. cause i push myself for the better.

but why when u were young, you could trust everybody and say friends forever to everyone.

now when im 17, i couldnt place my trust anywhere except myself.



come on lah, 17 of years in life, i know everyones is selfish when it comes to somethings.
regardless of whats the thing that matters to you, u feel selfish at times.
(of coz selfless at times too. humans are beautiful)


i lie, u lie, we all do lie. lies are so part of our life.
white lies, "black" lies?
it is still lying.


why cant i have the eyes of a mosqitoe?
i can see things from more angles. thats what i want.
see things more clearly.

i wish i was living in the 30's.

if i were living in 1930's, i should be 70+ going on 80 now.


or maybe right now buried under the earth.

so that i wont get to see the end of the world.




i really believe the end of the world is coming soon.
if... im right. IF LAH>.<,

how will u spent your last moment on earth?





THINKKK!




i just read the newspaper that ice are melting like.. free one at some ocean.
over the past 25 years, it only melt little by little.

from 2004 to 2005, almost half of the icy area are gone.
HALF EH.

what will become of the world.
i dunno.. neither do u.
so dun bother to think man.


OHH btw i saw suntec city is havin a promotion.
use american express credit card to enjoy a 30% rebate when u shop at there.



this mornin wake up and receive my results. woo not bad.
got one AD, 1 A, the rest B and B+.

and my ISmodule got B leh.
Bbbbb~! i didnt do anything.
i didnt even do my individual presentation.. reason being i skip that particular lesson which was suppose to be the presentation day.

i didnt plan it. my grpmates didnt inform me they will be presenting in that lesson.

Surprisely it was graphicdesign that got AD. i thu that tutor hate me. i always didnt use her idea.

and it was programming that got A. now its opposite, i hate that tutor.
i know shit about programming, and i got A.
wahahaha!

drawing, phototaking got B.

drawings, draw like siao got a B. but im lucky lo.. i skip his lessons alot of times. uncountable.
phototakings, i thu i did pretty well. but was awarded a B too.

im itching to eat some icecream.

my pay is owe.. again. WTFWTFWTF.

seriously i wonder why i have to go to work punctually, when my pay is always late.

always tell me this date, and it will never arrive on the date they promise.
they say 10th sep, i called on 12th sep(today) and they give me another date.

by end of this week.
if by end of this week, i didnt receive it, i think ill call and gan the incharge alr.
its not the first time eh..

work for events management company sucks.

im talkin abt the cisco job btw.





weee~ got my phone back. JUAN!? u got back yours?
after waitin for like 1 hr+ at nokia care@orchard.

just to collect phone. i have to wait that long in the queue.
almost everyone who came out was holding on to a N6280, or N80.



penny! becareful with your current 6280. think u faster go change better. dun change to k800i also. that phone will also give u alot of problem.







saw mdm pee on bus 106 today while on the way to town.
she and another chinese teacher, whom i dunno the name.

SRY AHH! 4 years in school and i dunno yr name, tts why i didnt greet u.

i only greet to mdm pee. =XX

that thin thin chinese teacher who is incharge of basketball girls or boys i think. that teacher who took jody's pencil and never return. and i think that pencil belongs to tze ting. iszit?

after dunno how long, jody still talks abt it when he saw that teacher in school.








my throat is dry and itchy now. not a good sign. esp when im gg to start work soon at john little, jurong point,
u all free come look for me to eat lunch or dinner together ok!

=)

i feel like eating baked rice from pastamania now.

ohh talkin abt food.
when i was eatin my dinner at the dining table jus now, i overheard my mum having her usual lame conversation with bellbell.
i dunno why a 49 years old lady will like to talk to a 6 years old kid (a untamed one somemore) so much.
and my mum always talk to her about big ISSUES like meaning of life.

ayoo, like she understand like that. i put down my spoon, turn, and saw bell drawing something on the Ikea catalogue book, while my mum continue on her speech.

obviously shes entertaining my mother.



i continue my dinner. got chilli meat for tonight dinner. shiok.


meanwhile i was still listening to their conversation.

mum: next year u will be in primary one, must buy food on your own.
bell: i know how to buy...
mum: I'll give you 50 cents everyday. u sure anot, know how to buy.


i stopped eating, turn again and told my mum,

"50 cents jia sai (eat shit) ah?"


i remember in p1, i have $2 for allowance. which i know is more then enough.
because i see my friends having only like 50c to $1 daily.

i always spent only $1 and save the rest.
i never tell my parents im receiving too much.
=)) muahahahah! who will do that.

i save till i have like around $50, and one day, i wake up to find my money missing.
nobody admit..

right now, i think my mum and dad took it.
and then reuse the money, give it to me for allowance again.

so jian.






bell: huhhhh~ only 50 cents. i want 500.
joy: ya, 500 cents ahh.


i think bell dun understand me what im talkin about. she went back to her drawin instead.

i cant live without a phone.

a proper handphone that is.
my pinky-gay color n3250 is lying somewhere at orchard-wheelocks place, NOKIA CARE now.

i send it for servicing.
and now im using my house spare hp, some samsung old phone. and button "3" is spoilt.
which means when i type msg, i cannot type "d,e'f" is damn jialat lah.

i suddenly realize how many "d,e,f" we had to type. "e" is the most common one. "f" is rarely used, unless u wanna type "if, or of" lah. "for" can be substitute by "4".

i need to crack my head, to think of words to subsitute in. JUS to type one short msg like "ill meet u soon."


in the end i sub. "meet" for "c"(see).





i work for cisco at toa payoh ytd. from 11-9. really wan my life.

work alone. my partner leave early, which means if i wanna go slack awhile, there wont be somebody to help me cover up.
and thar partner even more tokgong den me. he slack like free one.

for the 3 hrs when he was workin wif me, i rarely see him. he say he is gg some corner to distribute flyers instead, i think he went to watch the project superstar open audition.

oklah, i rat on him in the morning. but u dun have to leave early de ma. i sian tilll.

mornin he was late for an hour+.
i told the in charge when she call me to check if he was here alr.
he didnt ask me to cover up for him anywhere.

=XX



the rest of the f7 went out wif d6 ppl to ktv at party world.

ask them to come toapayoh eat dinner wif me, all dun want.
kns, gana ps by so many ppl in a day.
the reason? because bus fare too exp. transfer fee to toapayoh really that expensive ma?
toa payoh and orchard is only 2 mrt station away man.



nvm lo. i call penny and complain to her.
feelin much better, i went back to slack at work.

hahahaha!

saw this begger sellin tissues near cisco roadshow booth.
he was blind.
and people walkin pass him never seems to stop, to at least take a look at him.

he was holdin 3 tissues pack in each of his hands. and say loudly to passerby "Thank you!" "grateful to you!" in chinese.

and some lady staff from leehwa jewellry shop opposite brought a bowl of minced meat noodle for him.
=))

and the uncle was sosososo grateful.



while i was complaining to myself how tired and bored is my job, the blind uncle cant even find a sucky job like mine.
so im much much much more fortunate then him.

the next time u think your life sucks.
think about this little person, the blind uncle who probably wont make any difference in your life.




im gg to collect my phone, go do some shoppin, trim my messy like grass eyebrows tml.

seriously,
i cant live without a properly functioning phone.


im hungry, needa find some food to fill myself .
ahhh, why is msn not workin.

if there is a start, there will be an end.

how come?
how come there is no such thing called, forever.

we wont live forever.
we wont stay like that forever.
time wont freeze, no matter how u try.


ahBLEH.
i dun think i understand my words too.

what i am tryin to say is, if theres a start, there wil be an end eventually.
regardless of anything.

penny say: tian wu bu san zhi yan xi
joy reply: yaaa yaa yaa THATS THE THING I WANNA SAY.=))






i am still like a lamb. lost in the jungle.
where the fuck is my lion.